After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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