during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
