im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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