I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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