I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
