we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
