Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
