Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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