I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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