By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
