she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
