My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
