I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its not stalking. its research.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
