i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
