A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
