Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
