Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
