Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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