he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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