i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
