Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had sex on a roof
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
