Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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