So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
