Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
