You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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