Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
