i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
