I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
