woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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