last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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