Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
