I smell stomach acid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mom said you looked used
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
