he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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