I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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