Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
