for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
