my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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