you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
