Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
