you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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