Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
