she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
