chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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