my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
