Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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