It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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