She's JV to your varsity
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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