In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
