new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
that may or may not have been my penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
