yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
