am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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